Day 5 - To give up my need to be right

I struggled today...

The challenge? Let your voice be heard, but put down any weapons of warfare (aka harsh words and actions). Practice holding your tongue when your angry, and carrying your burdens in prayer.

When I was younger, my dad's biggest phrase was one we have all heard before, but yet never really followed through with it most times. You know, that one when you were 16 and heard him say it for the hundredth time as you roll eyes and throw out a "yeah, yeah, I know dad." Yup, that one..."If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all."

Again, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

 My mom and dad used to fight, often, when I was younger. And they would go back n forth for a good hour before my dad finally gave in and then slammed the door as he left. He would go on the longest walks. Just him and our puppy. Some fights he would be gone for 2 hours or more. Sometimes I was afraid he wouldn't come back. But he did, every time. And when I was young I just saw it as my dad leaving when things got bad, but now, I know different. Instead of fighting more with my mom, it was his way of walking away...or biting his tongue. "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." And his faith, and love and strength to forgive her many times, kept him there. With my mom and with us. I'll always be grateful for that.

I think that this is tough for every single one of us. We all have our own opinions and thoughts and feelings, and we never have the will to admit we aren't the only ones that matter. Those thoughts and opinions and feelings effect every one around us. Our spouse, our children, our friends and family. All the people we love. When Jesus walked this earth, he had every right in the world to boast, and put himself first in front of all others because he was that important. But that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do. Yes, he was the most important person every where he went...but still. Just as Jesus bit his tongue whenever someone cursed or did the wrong thing or felt the wrong way, he remembered to humble himself to those he loved. Whether he was right or not didn't matter, it was always about doing the right thing in God's eyes. And that's what my dad was doing, putting my mom's thoughts n opinions over his own. Whether he was right or not.

I had attempted a new chicken dish tonight, and granted it came out...well...let's just say it wasn't in god's plan for us to eat that tonight, LOL. But, under the impression we would be eating dinner together and THEN Josh would be going to his new job, I had him say to me just as dinner was ready, "you know I'm not eating here right?" I almost about lost it. I had dinner ready early on purpose so he would have plenty of time to eat before work and still getting to spend time together. "You didn't tell me that" I replied. And he went on about how he needed to go do a few things for this new job before heading there n that he told me that last night. And he sort of did, but I still thought we would at least get to eat together. As I went on in my head about what I wanted to say, I then remembered about today's challenge. To bite your tongue when you are angry...and then I thought of my dad. So I turned my frustration into graciousness and made him a container of food to go so he could eat on the road. And that was it. No more harsh words, no fighting, and no unnecessary words were spoken.

As I look back to all those times I was so mad at my dad, only now is it I understand that he was doing the best he knew how in that time. Whether he went to prayer when he left for that long walk or not, he still did the right thing for everyone around, whether his argument was right or wrong. And now I can say I look up to him for all he has done, and continues to do. And I owe this new point of view to God.

I know I will continue to struggle with this, but I promise to continue to try at it for as long as I love. For as long as I love God, and those around me. Because it's the right thing to do.

Till next bloggers, and God bless.